1. Understand and encourage youth’s own traditions and beliefs
- Encourage discussion about holiday traditions the young person experienced prior to being in foster care, or even celebrations they liked while living with other foster families.
- Incorporate traditions the youth cherishes into your own family celebration, if possible. Investigate the youth’s culture and research traditions.
- If the young person holds a religious belief different from yours, or if their family did, check into customary traditions, and avoid forcing the youth to participate in your religious traditions if they are uncomfortable doing so.
2. Discuss what holidays look like in your home
- Discuss your family’s holiday traditions with the young person. Do you celebrate over multiple days, or is there one “main” celebration? Will certain religious practices occur, and what will the young person’s role be? Will gifts be exchanged? What should they wear? Who will they meet? What preparations need to be done in advance? Will there be visitors to the home? Will they visit the homes of family or friends? And in all of these events, will your youth be expected to participate?Avoiding surprises will decrease seasonal tensions.
- Allow the youth to ask questions.
- Be respectful and sensitive to the youth’s traditions and cultural practices. Ask how they might like to celebrate, and get to know past holiday experiences they are comfortable sharing. Make an effort to understand and incorporate where you are able.
3. Understand if youth pull away, and prioritize mental health and wellbeing
- Despite your best efforts, a young person may cope by withdrawing during the holidays. Understand that this detachment most likely is not an insult or a reflection of how they feel about you, but rather is their own coping mechanism.
- Allow for “downtime” during holidays that will give the youth some time to themselves if they need it (although some youth would prefer to stay busy to keep their mind off other things—work with the young person to understand their needs).
- Be sure to fit in one-on-one, personal time to talk through their feelings during this emotional and often confusing time of year.
- Consider using mental health supports and resources where appropriate both for the young person and for yourself!