Part 1: Setting the stage
This guide is designed to help parent group leaders facilitate discussions with their groups about their responsibilities as they parent children of color. These discussions will specifically help white parents and caregivers understand their critical role in supporting children who are adopted or fostered transracially in the development of a positive racial identity.
In Part 1, we discuss the legacy of systemic racism in America, both past and present. We then define racial identity and how it is developed. We acknowledge that white identity is a racial identity and explain why caregivers need to explore their own racial identity.
In Part 2, we discuss the reality of white privilege and look at how white privilege affects us at home, in the community, and over the course of a lifetime.
In Part 3, we discuss racial identity work in action.
Following each discussion, we launch into tools for group members to use in exploring their responsibilities as transracial parents.
These can be challenging discussions. The discussions should be held over multiple meetings. Group leaders should consider members’ needs and the level of comfort they have with one another. Each time you return to the guide for discussion, debrief what was discussed at the prior meeting. Consider suggesting readings, videos, or podcasts between meetings to either expand on a concept you covered or jumpstart the conversation for a future meeting.
Before you start
Conversations of race and racism are complex, emotional, and can be quite challenging if your group is not ready to engage in them. We strongly recommend that you and your group members engage in foundational anti-racist education before starting these conversations.
Also, for racially diverse groups, understand that these conversations have the potential to put members of your group who are Black, Indigenous, or other people of color (BIPOC) in a position of “content experts” without their permission or desire to be in that role. Check in with the BIPOC members of your group before moving forward with this discussion. If your group is not racially diverse, it’s important to discuss how group members are proactively connecting with foster/adoptive parents of color, as these connections are vital for their children’s development of positive racial identity.
With the above considerations in mind, it may be helpful to ask the following readiness questions of yourself and your group members before engaging in this discussion:
- Do all group members agree that race has real effects on people’s experiences and opportunities?
- Do all group members agree that race has real effects on people’s experiences and opportunities?
- Do members understand that children have a right to experience their racial and ethnic heritages and cultures?
- Do members understand that children need adult role models of their race and ethnicity to help develop a positive sense of self?
If there is disagreement about any of the above, we recommend that you and your group engage in anti-racism education before having this discussion or using this discussion guide. Consider getting started with this reading list (https://www.wbur.org/ news/2020/06/17/reading-list-on-race-for-allies) from National Public Radio or engaging a trainer on anti-racism.
In addition, for this discussion to be meaningful, group members need to trust each other and believe that group agreements will be maintained. If you’re not sure that your group is ready for a discussion on racial identity, engage the group in some trust-building exercises during several meetings before engaging in this discussion.
Facilitation guidance
You’ve assessed your group’s readiness and determined it is appropriate to begin. Now, you can prepare to facilitate this discussion. Here are some tips to facilitate this conversation safely and effectively.1 We encourage you to revisit these tips as you work through the guide.
- Prepare for the discussion. We recommend reading through this guide ahead of time. Familiarize yourself with the content and identify the areas where you anticipate that your group may have trouble.
- Take your time. Do not try to make it through this entire discussion in a meeting or two. We split each discussion area into specific topics. The order in which you address each topic depends on the needs of your group and the timing of issues that your members raise. These are complex conversations. Make sure you give the discussions enough time for people to think, talk, and grow.
- Help participants move from discussion to action. The caregivers in your group may need help in moving beyond this discussion to practicing these skills in their lives. Consider asking these questions whenever your group returns to this conversation after a break:
- Did you use anything you learned in the last discussion? If so, what? If not, how could we be more intentional after today’s discussion to use the material we learn?
- What did you do this past week/month to intentionally build relationships with adults from your child’s racial or ethnic community? What ideas do you have to continue building meaningful relationships with those from your child’s community?
- What did you do this past week/month to intentionally build a positive racial identity in your child?
These may be hard questions to answer at first, and that’s OK. The point is to continually remind your group that this is not just a discussion. We need to move from talking and learning to action as we parent.
- Leave your judgment behind and ask group members to do the same. Some parents or caregivers may experience guilt, shame, denial, or resistance during these discussions. This may be especially difficult if they have not been prioritizing their children’s— or their own—healthy racial identity. They may have been told that being “colorblind” is the right approach and that the love of a family is all children need. They may also be nervous to talk about race, racism, and biases. Remind them that we all do the best we can with the information and life experiences we have. We are all at different places in our racial identity journeys and can take steps forward from where we are.
- Be prepared to challenge. Some group members may resist or reject the concept of white privilege based on their past experiences with trauma, economic hardship, or other ways they have been marginalized. You may have to challenge beliefs and assumptions about the difference between invisible barriers to success and those that are visible to all, such as skin color. Help participants make room for the emotions related to this work while reinforcing the importance of recognizing white privilege and the impact it has.
- Be encouraging. Remind the group that we come together with different experiences that have shaped us, and that we should assume participants have the will—and ability—to do more. Also, be aware of emotional distress that may occur and provide supportive feedback as needed. Rely on group agreements or norms established by your members.