When I was in foster care, I received an annual letter from a local charity. It asked which gifts I wanted for Christmas. I always asked for barbies, clothes, and a diary. When asked what I wished for the most, I said ‘“to go home.”’ I wasn’t sure whether the charity could make it happen, but it was what I hoped for—to be reunited with my mother and siblings.
In the days leading up to Christmas, my foster dad would take us to the tree farm to cut down a tree. We’d excitedly decorate it with as many ornaments and tinsel as we could. It took us all night, but that was fun of it—getting to do something with others whom I cared about.
In the days leading up to Christmas, my foster dad would take us to the tree farm to cut down a tree. We’d excitedly decorate it with as many ornaments and tinsel as we could. It took us all night, but that was fun of it—getting to do something with others whom I cared about.
It wasn’t until I was older that I was able to talk with someone about my feelings and to grieve the loss of my mom. As time went on, the pain lessened, and I actually started to enjoy the holidays again. My favorite memories from childhood are from spending the holidays with my foster family. I attribute this to their willingness to fully accept us as we were and include us in their traditions.
Ways to make youth feel included during the holidays
Many youth in foster care or adopted from foster care experience the holidays as I once did—as a time of stress, disappointment, and loneliness. Here are six ways foster and adoptive families can help youth in their home feel accepted and included during the holidays and throughout the year.
- Spend time together. Find ways you can connect with your child, whatever their age. Play a game, help with homework, or watch a TV show together. You will learn about them, and they’ll also have a chance to learn about you. This lays the foundation for building a relationship—one where they feel safe and that you can be depended on. It’ll also give you an opportunity to learn more about their personality, food preferences, and even triggers—facts that aren’t always provided by a social worker or in a case file. This kind of information can help you and your child prepare for the holidays.